Football's most enigmatic agent, Harry Small, disappeared over a year ago. Many believed him to be dead, suffering a massive heart attack seemingly while participating in an interview on Soccer AM/MW on Frequency 1350. No trace of his body was ever found. But Soccer AM/MW has discovered that Harry is still alive and well - and Lakes has caught up with him.
Part one of this exclusive series of interviews with the man himself starts today.
Lakes: Harry. You've been out of the spotlight for a while now. Just what exactly happened? It seemed clear to everyone, including our broadcasting team here, that you had been struck down on air. We had a small rememberance ceremony and everything at the office.
Harry Small: Well, well, well. I suppose one could say I've been out of the spotlight, innit. Wahey! I've been, let's say, "taking it easy". I can't go into too many pacifics, but let's just say that I've been enjoying life. I'm on an island, basically. I don't want to spell it out, but it was fraud. Oh fu-
Lakes: And morally you don't have a problem with that?
Harry: Not really, no. I'm a man of the 60s. We all do crazy bollocks, mate.
Lakes: So the last time we spoke to you, you were getting over the death of a dear friend of yours, and a paying client at that - Turlando. How did you cope with that? Have you managed to get over it?
(N.B. Turlando was one of Harry Small's great foreign talents and Soccer AM/MW was following his progress as he attempted to get a trial with an English club. It ended in tears after Turlando was found floating face-down in a swimming pool in Bridlington.)
Harry: You can never get over something like that. Never. For starters, I couldn't afford my f**kin' petit pois any more. I had to go and dig out some Tesco Value rubbish. Stuff like that really brings a tear to my eye. I mean, don't get me wrong, the man was a great footballer, but Jesus - me f**king peas! Me f**king peas!
Life after Turlando for HarryLakes: So where does Ha--
Harry: *sobbing* ...me f**king peas.
Lakes: So where does Harry Small go from here? You're an insurance fraud, a dodgy agent, a nasty man, and generally poor at your job.
Harry: Boston United have just offered me a job. Said I'd be the perfect pick!
More from Harry soon.
No comments:
Post a Comment