Soccer AM/MW - the home of lively and humorous discussion from the Football and Non Leagues

Friday, August 14, 2009

The Harry Small Interviews: Part One

Football's most enigmatic agent, Harry Small, disappeared over a year ago. Many believed him to be dead, suffering a massive heart attack seemingly while participating in an interview on Soccer AM/MW on Frequency 1350.

No trace of his body was ever found. But Soccer AM/MW has discovered that Harry is still alive and well - and
Lakes has caught up with him.

Part one of this exclusive series of interviews with the man himself starts today.

Harry. You've been out of the spotlight for a while now. Just what exactly happened? It seemed clear to everyone, including our broadcasting team here, that you had been struck down on air. We had a small rememberance ceremony and everything at the office.

Harry Small:
Well, well, well. I suppose one could say I've been out of the spotlight, innit. Wahey! I've been, let's say, "taking it easy". I can't go into too many pacifics, but let's just say that I've been enjoying life. I'm on an island, basically. I don't want to spell it out, but it was fraud. Oh fu-

And morally you don't have a problem with that?

Not really, no. I'm a man of the 60s. We all do crazy bollocks, mate.

So the last time we spoke to you, you were getting over the death of a dear friend of yours, and a paying client at that - Turlando. How did you cope with that? Have you managed to get over it?

(N.B. Turlando was one of Harry Small's great foreign talents and Soccer AM/MW was following his progress as he attempted to get a trial with an English club. It ended in tears after Turlando was found floating face-down in a swimming pool in Bridlington.)

You can never get over something like that. Never. For starters, I couldn't afford my f**kin' petit pois any more. I had to go and dig out some Tesco Value rubbish. Stuff like that really brings a tear to my eye. I mean, don't get me wrong, the man was a great footballer, but Jesus - me f**king peas! Me f**king peas!

Life after Turlando for Harry

So where does Ha--

*sobbing* ...me f**king peas.

So where does Harry Small go from here? You're an insurance fraud, a dodgy agent, a nasty man, and generally poor at your job.

Boston United have just offered me a job. Said I'd be the perfect pick!

More from Harry soon.

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