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Sunday, January 03, 2010

If Lakes was in charge of FIFA...

A final New Year wish courtesy of Lakes. If he was in charge of football's world governing body, what changes would he like to make to the game?

For starters I'd mic up the refs.

There's a load of debate about how the media scrutinise referees and interfere with decisions, criticising them and making them more cautious.

GOOD. Referees should be scrutinised, because there are some really poor ones out there who've never played the game.

Also, it would be more entertaining. If Mike Riley is shouting at John Terry and calling him an overpaid knob, I want to hear that. I'd be tuned in constantly and would no doubt find it hilarious.

Imagine if you were at a match and could hear the ref speaking on the radio! That would be great and would add a whole new dimension.

Next, I'd put a cap on wages of, say, £30,000 a week. That's more than enough to get by. This could be reviewed in line with inflation and would result in players playing more because they want to play than because they're after money.

Most big clubs would offer the same maximum amount and you'd have more competition for the right reasons, rather than for the wrong reasons.

Then I'd bring in goal line technology. Anyone who thinks being cheated out of an obvious goal adds to the entertainment value of football is pissed and, frankly, a tit.

I would then get Sepp Blatter by the knob and swing him around my head while shouting "Who's the daddy now? Huh? Who's the daddy?".

It's moments like that you only get to relish when in these positions and anyone who would pass up the opportunity clearly isn't compus mentus.

I'd introduce "worst players of the year" awards, too. The 'raspberries of football', celebrating the truly awful performances fans have had to pay money to watch.

Didier Drogba could win one for an abysmal dive. You'd be upholding the values of fair play while naming and shaming the worst offenders. Also, it's funny to laugh at the Chris Sedgwicks of the world.

And finally, I would invest more in grass roots football across the world. It's more important than breeding a generation of overpaid knobs.

Get back to basics, keep it simple and get quality football back for the right reasons - players playing for Roy of the Rovers glory, and not a big win bonus.

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