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Thursday, January 06, 2011

The PNE Factor

Inspired by Preston North End managerial candidate and part-time pub singer, Phil Brown, the lads give their verdicts on the possible replacements.

After Darren Ferguson's sacking, who is up to the ask of filling the void as leading man with The North End.

Will any of them receive three yes's from the PNE Factor panel?

Phil Brown

Made his name as a backing singer with the Big Sam Band before leaving to make his own mark.

After struggling as lead singer of his first group, The Rams, Brown enjoyed great success with The Hull Tigers.

Went platinum in 2008 with a series of chart hits from their debut album. However, a series of poor song selections in their second album cost him his job.

For: Has achieved success with a similar profile group at Hull.

Against: Aside from the dodgy voice, started to believe his own hype with The Tigers and hard to know whether he can repeat the same success again.

Lakes: I don't like his tan, and I don't like his singing voice either. As for that microphone of his, he looks more like Britney Spears than Rod Stewart.

In many ways, he's a modern day Des O'Connor. Hull's Greatest Hits flew off the shelves, though, so you never know.

Nobes: I have to admit, I was a big fan of his early work with The Tigers. I raved the night they brought the house down at The Emirates, although his impromptu concert in Manchester one day makes me think again.

If he loses the tan and stops trying to get his face into every celebrity magazine, then he may be worth a turn.

Turls: This guy was going to be bigger than the Beatles, who in turn, were bigger than Jesus, who in turn was bigger than Moses.

He has faded away lately after deciding to form his own record label, but I reckon the guy is due a comeback and signing alongside Lily White might be a great decision for both parties.

Paul Hart

Old timer still in the business after nearly two decades.

Known for producing good music but sales have been poor for a long time now with a number of different record labels.

Has often filled in for short spells as lead singer but hasn't been anywhere close to a top 40 hit.

For: Generally likeable, cheap to hire, and easy on the ear.

Against: There's a reason he's never stayed long at his labels -
where are the sales? Seems better suited sticking to just the teenage market.

I haven't got the Hart to let this old codger in on the news - we all think he's past it.

Long in the tooth doesn't begin to describe it, and when you look at the dance moves on offer...well... Backing singer at best.

Nobes: I just don't think he's what The North End are looking for. Maybe he's going a bit tone deaf in his old age, but his performances have been a bit off-key for a while now.

I see his future more in helping the up-and-coming artists. Time to take a back seat on the tour bus.

Turls: I've a bit of a soft spot for this timeless crooner, but his time has gone. He is not capable of producing 21st century music. He was never proper rock 'n' roll and I can't see him propelling any band into the Top 40.

Sorry to break your Hart, Paul, but hang up the microphone and start hitting on the women at the retirement home.

Iain Dowie

Won a breakthrough artist award in 2005 as he revitalised the career of popular '90s outfit The Palace.

However, after his acrimonious departure from them, he seems to have lost his way releasing a series of mishits.

Been around the block and and would knows the market The North End are working in.

Against: Still living off his days with The Palace after failing elsewhere. Was he simply a case of a one hit wonder?

He's got the voice, but he hasn't really got the face. Poor Iain looks like he's gone twenty rounds with a JCB.

His hits with The Palace aside, I'm not sure he's got the determination to succeed in this business.

Nobes: I'm afraid he does suffer from an image problem, and there's nothing he or anyone else can do about it.

He was responsible for some great hits with The Palace, but I don't think he's got a second album in him.

Turls: This guy defies logic. He is like a lesser version of Susan Boyle. The Palace were a good band, but they were not as good as most people remember.

He's proven he was a one-hit wonder, and one-hit wonders don't make comebacks looking like that.

Eddie Howe

Youthful and energetic. A surprise choice as lead singer of The Cherries in 2008 because of his inexperience.

However, led them to chart success last year despite often missing members of the group.

For: Has made leading a notoriously unstable group look easy. Has everyone singing in harmony despite not having the financial backing of other bands.

Against: Still very young, is he up to the task of taking over at one of the country's most traditional bands where expectations are higher?

Howe's about this then? A singer with talent at last! But he's not done much at the top of the game.

He's no Roy Orbison, more a Darius Danesh. Might have the X Factor, but has no star power.

Nobes: I think this kid has it all going for him. Thrust into the limelight he's shown he can cope under intense pressure and scrutiny. He's even still got the boyband looks.

He's surrounded himself with some old heads and tried to keep away from the trappings of fame. He could be the one.

Turls: This guy is right up my street. He has a touch of class that we haven't seen since Duran Duran.

He has a history of turning bands into success stories on the underground circuit and has recently made some trips into the charts. I like him, I really do. I think he's got the PNE Factor.

Paul Tisdale

For many years, this vocalist known for his sharp dressing played the student scene in Bath.

However, since making the move to front The Grecians, Tisdale Fever has swept the city of Exeter.

Has enjoyed sustained chart success, establishing the band as one of the most successful in the South West.

For: Produces top quality music despite working in bargain recording studios.

Against: Has already had better offers and turned them down. Unlikely to want to move from the south to a Northern Soul scene he is unfamiliar with.

Lakes: This kid's got style. I think this one could go all the way.

Is it too soon, though? Maybe. Come back when you're 16, love, and have another crack.

He's new, he's fresh, he's edgy, he's different. Not always sure about the attire. At times he's just some lipstick and mascara away from becoming a New Romantic.

However, he is definitely part of the New Wave of talent coming through.

Turls: If this was a fashion content, Tisdale would win hands down.

While I'm prepared to accept fashion is part of modern music - I've just ordered my Lady GaGa meat dress - I don't think he has the experience to deal with the sort of limelight that would come from this band.

Give him a year more and I'll buy him a new neckerchief in the band's colours.

Gary Megson

Controversial artist who divides the critics.

Some praise his chart sales - particularly high in the Black Country - but others have complained his music makes their ears bleed.

For: Experienced at turning around struggling record labels with limited resources to work with.

Against: Is likely to be working with band mates unwilling or unable to adapt to his style of music.

Megson was the Chuck Berry of football at one point, but now he's more of a Danni Minogue. Some have upwards trajectories, this fella's headed for the trash can.

Nobes: I'm not going to lie, he's just not my cup of tea. Not that I like tea anyway but, if I did, it certainly wouldn't come with a hint of ginger.

He might have struck a chord with other bands in the past, but seems to have been producing nothing but bum notes for a while now. Not for me. Sorry.

Turls: Is this guy still alive? I swear he was on the death list that is published at the end of every year. I was happy with that.

Needless to say, this guy has no talent whatsoever. I can't believe my colleague has compared him to Chuck Berry. He is like a worse version of Baz Luhrmann. He doesn't write any songs and he doesn't actually sing, instead he just speaks tosh.

This guy needs to leave the music scene completely. Please. For the sake of the children. Won't someone think of the children?!

Three no's.

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