Soccer AM/MW - the home of lively and humorous discussion from the Football and Non Leagues

Tuesday, March 30, 2010


With the clocks going forward at the weekend, the lads flash-forward 12 months with a satirical look at some of the headlines that might be coming from the Football and Non Leagues a year from now.

'In League One, Peterborough announce the appointment of their eighth manager of the season. Darren Ferguson returns to the club after being usurped by his father at Preston earlier in the campaign.

North End had loaned so many of Manchester United's stars that PNE chairman Derek Shaw took the drastic step of loaning in Sir Alex to help their battle against relegation too.'

'There was more bad news for Rochdale fans who missed their side's important Easter weekend games.

Bemused supporters turned up at Aldershot and Burton under the assumption that their club was still playing in League Two.

Dale had left the basement division for the first time in 175 years but fans refused to accept the promotion had actually happened.

'Conference club Kettering announce they've parted company with manager Paul Simpson after less than a year in the role. It came after Simpson launched a scathing broadside of the club tea lady's performance:

"I work on the training ground all week. We plot the tactics and work on our set-pieces. I'm doing everything I can as a manager to put together a winning team.

However, when it comes to the half-time refreshments. When we need a power-boost to help us recover from our 2-0 deficit at the break, and when the players need something to distract them from me criticising them - I'm being let down.

"The tea lady at Rockingham Road has been letting this club down for years. It's come to the point where either she goes, or I go."

Kettering also announce that tea lady Barbara Milton has signed a new five-year deal with the club.'

Simpson tells Babs how many sugars he wants in his half time cuppa

'Milton Keynes's struggles in League One continue. The Dons are without a manager after the bitter ex-Blackburn boss Paul Ince left for Burnley determined to prove Rovers wrong.

With AFC Wimbledon currently top of the Conference, the Football League are already gearing themselves up for a potential meet-up between the two sides who rose from the ashes of the old Wimbledon.

Comedian Harry Hill has been signed-up to referee a scrap between the two clubs' mascots on the pitch at half time. "I like Milton Keynes, but I also like AFC Wimbledon," says the
TV Burp host.'

'Having returned to the club, QPR owner Flavio Briatore proposes to the Football League that his club be able to play their home games in Formula One cars and on tarmac.

The proposal comes after QPR sack their third manager of the month. Briatore, formerly involved with F1, suggests that, instead of changing his personnel, he would change the way in which the game is played.

The Football League initially seem delighted with the revolutionary thinking but negotiations come to a standstill when they argue over whether the players should wear helmets.

'Nottingham Forest boss Billy Davies calls on the club's board to open up the purse strings more to boost the club's promotion push.

Forest sit 18 points clear at the top of the Championship, but the Scot is still playing down their chances of securing a return to the Premier League.

"People say Billy Davies likes to play down Billy Davies's side's chances. But Billy Davies knows that his squad is still too young and threadbare for the run-in," says Davies.

'Accrington Stanley announce they've secured additional tickets for their appearance at Wembley in the JPT Final.

Stanley sold out their initial allocation of 2,000 and have been granted 500 more tickets for Sunday's final.

The Football League say they are quietly confident of a 'record breaking attendance' for the showdown between Stanley and Dagenham & Redbridge.'

Accrington and Dagenham fans are in town

'After losing his first five games in charge, conceding 27 goals in the process, John Barnes is sacked as manager of Hereford United. The United board say they feel it's time for a new man to take the Bulls by the horns.

On his appointment, Barnes had claimed: "Football is entering a new age, and I promise Hereford will be part of that age."

Unhappy with his sacking, Barnes says he wasn't given enough time and amid ugly scenes he stages a one-man protest outside Edgar Street accusing his former employers of racism.

He says: "I was building a project and have yet again been a victim of racism. I should be given another chance to prove that I am a quality manager, regardless of the colour of my skin. If I was white and got the same results, I would have been offered the Manchester United by now."

Hereford refuse to comment and apologise to nearby residents who complain about the noise made by Barnes in the stadium car park.

'Sol Campbell signs a seven year deal with Non League club Bamber Bridge.'

'Notts County become the first team to be mathematically relegated following an abysmal season. The club failed to pay wages and entered administration in November - losing 10 points in the process.

After failing to pick up a single point all season, the club find themselves relegated faster than virtually any other team in history.'

'Boston United become the first team to play in space. The Skyrockets take their nickname to a new level as they become the first team to lose a football to the outer limits.

In a league game against Nantwich, Boston striker Spencer Weir-Daley becomes the first ever footballer to kick a ball into space.

United, renowned for their route one football style, say they're delighted to be the first club to achieve such a feat.

Boston unveil their new team coach

And we won't check back in a year's time to see whether we were right or not.

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