I had to travel to Durham today. I think it's in Scandanavia, so I asked if I could get a private jet.
I was told to get the train so I pretended to be on a plane while I was at the station. I kept getting funny looks from people but I didn't care because I was a Boeing 747.... the King of the Skies.
I don't like the North.... it's too far away from London and smells like fish. And not sea-bass or any of the yummy fish from the posh Sushi restaurant I go to. It smells like trout.
I had to go to look at the Durham City pitch. Apparantly it's made from plastic or something like that but it looks a lot like grass to me. The Durham manager told me it is something called Astro Turf...... SPACE GRASS!
This scared me. Durham City are so far advanced they have built a space station to develop magical grass. If they can do this, the next thing they'll do is create a team of mutants space monsters! I got even more scared and had to ask the Durham man if he had any underwear I could borrow...... he didn't.
To stop the Durham City SuperHumans from taking over the world, I decided to ban them from getting promoted.... and it worked!
Their sponsor (which I'm assuming to be NASA) has pulled out because of my genius decision. This means no Durham space station.... no Durham Superhumans..... and no more dirty underwear. YAY!
However, someone told me that Luton had Astro Turf a few years ago.... which means they must be super advanced! I'm going back to London today and I'm going to ask if we can take some points off of Luton.
I was a Spitfire on the way home and pretended all the people were Durham SuperHumans....... the conductor man told me to sit down..... I cried a bit.