Soccer AM/MW - the home of lively and humorous discussion from the Football and Non Leagues

Friday, June 11, 2010

End of Season Awards Part V

The final day of our awards this weeks turns the emphasis on comedy as the lads look at the funnier aspects of the season.

Best Haircut of the Year

Youl Mawene

Lakes: The king of the barnet. Not the King of Barnet - that would be Tresor Kandol, God rest his soul.

Youl Mawene's unstoppable afro has been a cult hit at Preston since he first sprinted on the pitch. Credited with at least four goal-line clearances, his oversized hairdo has seen more than its fair share of scrapes along the way.

Controversially culling his hair to a shorter length for a while, Mawene saw the error of his ways when fans turned out to celebrate Youl Mawene Day, each donning their very own readily-available afro wig and was soon soon seen sporting his luscious, frizzy locks again.

Some believe Mawene's consistency is linked directly to the frizziness of his hair, and note a marked drop in performances when he's not at his most voluminous.

Best Player Name

Nominations: Jean Akpa-Akpro, Exodus Geohaghon

Lakes: Saying both out loud, I'm inclined to hand Geohaghon his second gong!

Turls: Having seen Akpa-Akpro in action, I'm going to have to lean towards him. Nothing gave me a better thrill this season than hearing "Conlon, you fat piece of s***, give it to Akpa-Akpro! He'll mark em' all!"

Lakes: Haha.

Turls: It was a golden moment, I'll cherish forever.

Casting vote to Nobes, then.

I think I'm going to give it to Exodus. The first name just swings it.

Winner: Exodus Geohaghon

The 'What Was I Thinking' Award

Nominations: Sol Campbell,Turls and Nobes, Peterborough United

Nobes: Peterborough for their managerial policy is a strong contender, but I'd love it if Turls and I won.

Turls: Turls and Nobes. It was a dream that was shattered into a million pieces. It started off so well and then disappeared from play completely.

What was the reasoning behind you and Turls being nominated? I'll vote for it, whatever it was.

Turls: For us thinking you'd finish your Ideal Championship.

Lakes: I did finish it, didn't I?

Not that I'm aware of.

No, you didn't.

Lakes: Really? I could swear I actually did it. It's a ghost that will always haunt me. Okay, I vote for you guys to win.

Winner: Turls and Nobes

The Shocker of the Year Award

Nominations: Norwich City, The ref at Bristol City/Palace, Hartlepool United

Nobes: What have we here then? Norwich for their stunning season after an opening day horror show against Colchester.

Pools for playing an ineligible player that saw them deducted points - almost costing them their place in League One.

Or the ref at Ashton Gate completely missing that Palace goal which, had they gone down, they'd have never, ever, stopped talking about.

Turls: Norwich's opening day defeat was a massive shock, but what followed wasn't so stunning when you stop and think about it. They were expected to do well and all it took was a mauling at home.

Lakes: I agree, don't think we can say Norwich. They had a good squad and, I guess, that won out for them at the end of the day.

Turls: Hartlepool were just moronic. Sheer stupidity that almost cost them big.

The ref. Everyone stopped and acted like it was a goal. The Bristol players started looking at people to blame, the fans started cheering, the Palace players were celebrating, and yet the ref didn't notice any of this.

The linesman must also get a mention because of his idiocy in the whole event as well.

Lakes: The Palace 'goal' is one of those things that unfortunately happens in the game. Refs have a pretty dodgy view of the game a lot of the time.

Hartlepool win it for me. What a stupid and avoidable mistake to make.

Turls: But to completely rule out a clear goal? The reactions of the entire stadium must have said it all. The fact both of them missed it is ridiculous.

The ref thought it hit the bar. Fair enough. But how can the linesman use that excuse. It's a shambles - and hilarious.

Lakes: That's true. The lino should've picked up on it. For both not to see it is something special.

I'm still inclined to go for Pools though. The way I see it: they had ages to work the error of their ways, the ref and lino had seconds. But that was quite the hilarious f*** up.

It's a shame we can't give it to both of them, really.

Nobes: I just don't know how these days, with all the checks and all the stats at hand, how Hartlepool didn't realise their man was suspended.

It must also have been a huge shock when they discovered the truth and realised the possible consequences. They went from safe to a very tense final day - only staying up on goal difference.

Lakes: Pools win that one then.

Winner: Hartlepool United

The Random Drugs Test Award

Nominations: Paddy Kenny, Newcastle United defence, Grant Holt

Nobes: Who to choose? The QPR-bound keeper banned for most of the season. Might need to test him again, just to make sure.

The Norwich striker who looks fat, but actually isn't. His blistering first half of the season scoring form was unbelievably good.

Or the Newcastle defence for looking organised, hard to break down, and keeping clean sheet after clean sheet. A disgrace to the proud defensive fragility that is interwoven into the history of that club.

Lakes: Kenny for me, for being under the influence for the play-off semi against Preston last year. Not that it would've made a difference to the result.

Turls: This one is impossible to choose between. We don't need to drop a drugs test on Paddy Kenny though, because the FA have already done it for us - the fat idiot.

Grant Holt was in unbelievable form up until the turn of the year. It seemed unnatural for a man to have scored 20 goals by then.

Newcastle seemed to have become a real club again. Which is a shame.

For me, it has to be Holt. It's not right for these scoring feats to be occurring. It's not natural. It goes against the grain of social normality. He's meant to be fat!

Lakes: I'll actually go with Holt. The not-so-lean, mean, scoring machine has defied all predictions this season to bang in 30 - count 'em - goals. His dietitian couldn't believe it and was seen choking on his pork pie in the stands.

One man possibly shouted: "What the f*** is going on?" when Holt banged in his 30th.

Nobes: As tempting as it is to give it to Newcastle, I'll go along with Holt. He's always scored plenty in League Two, but not League One, so to have scored so many is very impressive.

Grant Holt

Journalist of the Year

Turls: We trawled through countless newspaper articles and websites. We listened to hours of radio coverage and we watched a shedload of pundits talk about the Football League.

Despite all this research, we still couldn't find a journalist who was good enough to be graced with this inaugural Soccer AM/MW award.

The Football League is still a rarely covered topic in footballing circles and, until a journalist stands out amongst the sea of dross, this award will continue to be unfilled.

Only Sacked Because The Football League Is Racist Award

Winner: John Barnes

Turls: Yet again John Barnes found himself sitting in a managerial hotseat. Yet again, no one could figure out why. Yet again, he failed miserably and, yet again, he was sacked.

This time proved to be no different to all the others. And, at the end of it all? Yes, John Barnes, the life-saver extraordinaire, would still have you believe that he was sacked because of institutionalised racism within football.

Nothing to do with you being an idiot then?

Lookalike of the Year

Nominations: Alan Irvine/Father Ted, Brian McDermott/Heston Blumenthal

Nobes: My vote goes to Heston.

Turls: Has to be Heston.

Lakes: I also reckon Heston. It's a great 'straight out of left field' lookalike suggestion, that.

I remember watching the Liverpool vs. Reading game on one day, and then watching Heston prancing about on either Channel 4 or 4oD. It came out of nowhere, but it makes perfect sense when you consider who Reading's sponsors are.

Haha - that's so true as well. Didn't notice that.

What a brilliant link.

Brian McDermott/Heston Blumenthal

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