Conference North: December

The final month's action from 2009 for our featured division this season - the Conference North. Unsurprisingly, the wintry weather led to the cancellation of many of the fixtures in December.

Fleetwood Track

Conference North high-flyers Fleetwood Town have found themselves immortalised in music thanks to a Californian punk rock band.

The Sex Presleys, who are signed to the Lancashire port's Raucous Records company, released a single after learning Town fans had used the Sex Pistols' "Anarchy In The UK" song as inspiration for their side's FA Cup run.

"I Wanna Be Cod Army," a reference to the nickname of the club's supporters, is a re-work of Elvis Costello's "Oliver's Army."

Band guitarist Nick Pistol said: "I really hope this leads us to having the chance to play a gig for the Cod Army the next time we come over to the UK."

It was also a good month for the North West outfit on the pitch. Their investment of £15,000 in pitch protection equipment helped them beat the big freeze and stage the arranged league games at their Highbury ground - winning both.


Fighting on the Beaches

Leaders Southport have seen their lead at the top cut to just three points after Fleetwood Town's haul of ten points over December.

The Lancashire port recorded home wins over Vauxhall, Northwich, and Stafford, and also picked up a point at AFC Telford to move up to second in the table.

However, it's Liam Watson's Sandgrounders who still lead the way. They demolished Town 5-0 in the first battle of the top two before Fleetwood exacted revenge with a 4-0 win on New Year's Day.

It was also a good month for Hinckley United. The Leicestershire side collected ten points as they went through December unbeaten and moved up to third.


Top of the table:

................................P...GD...PTS
1. Southport..............23....28....48
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2. Fleetwood Town.....23....26....45
3. Hinckley United......21....13....40
4. Eastwood Town......21.....4.....37
5. Droylsden..............20....22....36
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6. Corby Town............21.....3.....35
7. Stalybridge Celtic....17....15....34


Motors in reverse

Vauxhall Motors crashed to the bottom of the Conference North after losing both their fixtures in December.

The Ellesmere-Port based club went down to defeats to Fleetwood and Corby and saw themselves overtaken by Harrogate on goal difference.

Hyde United complete the bottom three at the moment, with two draws for previous incumbents Gainsborough seeing them move out of the relegation zone.


Bottom of the table:

.............................P...GD...PTS
17. Northwich.........18.....1.....19
18. Solihull Moors....22...-14....19
19. Gainsborough.....21..-13....18
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20. Hyde United......20..-21.....18
21. Harrogate Town..20...-20....13
22. Vauxhall Motors..20..-22....13


More news from the Conference North at the end of the month in our review of all the action in January.

Christmas Features

Here you can find all the features from the Festive season 2009/10 on Soccer AM/MW.

All the lads told the story of their favourite game involving their team.

You can read Lakes's story of the game which secured Preston's place in the play-off final.

Nobes tells the tale of the day Boston were relegated from the Football League - a game he enjoyed despite the result.

And Turls recounts the East Midlands derby comeback which ranks as his favourite experience watching Forest.

The intrepid trio, at the end of the Noughties, also reflected on how the past decade has been for their team.

Nobes reviews of an up and down past ten years for Boston including one promotion and three demotions.

Turls, tells the story of a disappointing decade for Forest where they failed to spend a single season in the top flight.

And after ten seasons in the same league, Lakes tells the story of Preston's decade of missed opportunities.

With the dawn of a New Year too, the lads all expressed their wishes for the future of the game and what they'd do if in charge of the beautiful game.

Turls tells us which Football League managers he'd issue an immediate ban on.

Lakes on why football should follow rugby and put microphones on referees.

And Nobes on re-introducing some much needed honesty back into the game.

If Lakes was in charge of FIFA...

A final New Year wish courtesy of Lakes. If he was in charge of football's world governing body, what changes would he like to make to the game?

For starters I'd mic up the refs.

There's a load of debate about how the media scrutinise referees and interfere with decisions, criticising them and making them more cautious.

GOOD. Referees should be scrutinised, because there are some really poor ones out there who've never played the game.

Also, it would be more entertaining. If Mike Riley is shouting at John Terry and calling him an overpaid knob, I want to hear that. I'd be tuned in constantly and would no doubt find it hilarious.

Imagine if you were at a match and could hear the ref speaking on the radio! That would be great and would add a whole new dimension.

Next, I'd put a cap on wages of, say, £30,000 a week. That's more than enough to get by. This could be reviewed in line with inflation and would result in players playing more because they want to play than because they're after money.

Most big clubs would offer the same maximum amount and you'd have more competition for the right reasons, rather than for the wrong reasons.

Then I'd bring in goal line technology. Anyone who thinks being cheated out of an obvious goal adds to the entertainment value of football is pissed and, frankly, a tit.

I would then get Sepp Blatter by the knob and swing him around my head while shouting "Who's the daddy now? Huh? Who's the daddy?".

It's moments like that you only get to relish when in these positions and anyone who would pass up the opportunity clearly isn't compus mentus.

I'd introduce "worst players of the year" awards, too. The 'raspberries of football', celebrating the truly awful performances fans have had to pay money to watch.

Didier Drogba could win one for an abysmal dive. You'd be upholding the values of fair play while naming and shaming the worst offenders. Also, it's funny to laugh at the Chris Sedgwicks of the world.

And finally, I would invest more in grass roots football across the world. It's more important than breeding a generation of overpaid knobs.

Get back to basics, keep it simple and get quality football back for the right reasons - players playing for Roy of the Rovers glory, and not a big win bonus.